Alles Mist
by Tikaya
Summary: Translation to the most awesome MSTing of the German language. Alles M i st: The Gruesome World of Bad FanFiction


**T/N aka A few words from the translator:**  
This MST does not belong to me. I just gave my best shot in translating it (and believe me, translating German grammar errors is NOT easy). The original MSTing is written by xBlackwolfx on animexx. If you know German check out the original because it is way better!  
Although I really tried my best, sometimes the German language refused to translate well into English, so you find a small translation annotation in these brackets: {}

Thank you, Jasu94, for looking over my translation and erasing anything that still sounded too German!

Well then, I better leave the rest to the master: [T/N ends]

xXx

**Just to make it clear: This story is based on a real occurence. All characters do exist. Even the fanfiction is real and not a fake I made up in my twisted head. It is really as bad as you can see it now and was found by a friend of mine in a Zelda-Fan-Portal.**

**Furthermore I would like you to know that I don't want to insult anyone with this MST.**

**It's all just for fun ;)**

**.**

_Introduction:_

Once upon a time in a faraway country, something terrible happened. Ganondorf, master of all evil, created hundreds of willing servants to write bad fanfictions about Zelda and drowned the people of Hyrule in madness and desperation with it.

But once a hero was born to face the powers of evil!

Strong and noble

Brave and selfless

Mighty and invincible

And then I came along.

.

_[We are above a tree in the lost woods and look down onto a lone figure. Some would say this is a Horror-Kid but if you look any closer you can see the long hair and the goatee. This is J.N. Blackwolf. __But he's by far just as horror__._

_We watch him open the first page of a book and start writing.]_

.

_First Entry into the log book_

_The first journey_

_Hyrule, 15:00, lost woods._

_Forgot star date,_

_Rest comes later._

__.

You know me as J.N. Blackwolf , the master of all…. things… I mastered….

I never had much for heroic adventures and such things, only power and wealth could catch my attention. Well… and a hentai-story or two…

*cough*

But then I couldn't resist a certain call for help.

This time Ganons assault on Hyrule was too gruesome, too cruel, to be ignored.

So I went to take care of it, to destroy the evil that hold this land in its grasp yet again.

And I didn't even need those ridiculous green pyjamas.

But I should start at the beginning…

* * *

The Legende of Zelda the Rainbow Sword

-J.N.: That doesn't sound too bad as a start. The title is correct, even if it could have been separated from the subtitle in better ways. For better understanding: The Sword of Four is a weapon that once allowed Link to divide into four Links.

1st chapter the kingdom of Hanbow

-J.N.: Hanbow? Sounds a little like Rainbow, huh? I could be evil and say that the author of this FF might not know English and just used a word that sounds alike?

Weeeelll…

We don't know….

We can only assume ;)

Fairies, Swords, magic" all you can use in this world

-J.N. Ehhhh… Okay, put aside that the grammar failed…. What does this introducing sentence want to tell us? Fairies, swords, magic, bows, underpants, micro-waves, insurance agents …you can shove all that up your ass, but sadly no one seems interested. Too bad, really.

And still there it was problem Evil villains that prevented all want, that the force felt in hands of Zelda.

-J.N.: O_o… Wait a sec… "There it was problem?" You me don't speak German? You me all want to prevent that cause you me no hands for feeelt I swear?

But it was too late anyways.

-J.N.: Short and sweet. It was too late "anyways" to prevent that the force "felt" into the hands of Zelda, of coooourse… Just one thing:

THE FORCE WAS ALWAYS WITH ZELDA.

tenchu, villain of Hanbow.

-J.N.: Yes, Villain of Hanbow? Sounds like a profession. Maybe you can become bachelor-villain? But it doesn't matter, he´s not written in capitals. Must be only a small villain then ;)

was thinking about his tremendous plan in his underground basement Vanfulau.

-J.N.: Oh, the basement has a name?

-Vanfulau: Of course. We basements have feelings, too, you know? Just yesterday the broom closet Dieter asked if we could take the operation room Hilde out for a drink!

-J.N.: Ehh… okay.

He wanted to coax the city into catching fire and kill all people that way.

-J.N.: Coax the city? Why do I imagine it like this:

-Tenchu: Plz, Plz start burning!

-City: Nope.

-J.N.: And isn't that completely pointless? What does he gain from that?

But he thought that this was a Pointles plan.

-J.N.: Probably the sentence with the best content of the entire story.

He didn't know what the purpose of it was.

-J.N.: To be honest: ME neither.

suddenly he had a precious idea.

-J.N.: Precious Idea? Sound's great. How about: Stop writing and watch Powerrangers?

-Vanfulau: Doesn't seem to be a big idea, the sentence is not written in capitals.

-J.N.: That's my line!

Now he took the crumped-up plan and unfollded it.

-J.N.: Oh he already has a plan, but thinks of another, stupid one? What's that for villain? Lets see what he has on that plan.

-Vanfulau: "Whoever reads this, is an idiot"?

-J.N.: Probably.

"link will die muhaha" was written on the paper.

-J.N.: And the winner for the best, most evil and especially THOUGHTFUL plan iiiiiiiiiis… Tenchu!

-Vanfulau: *applause*

-Ganondorf: *face-palm* And I'm always thinking so complicated!

"Honestly! My handwriting…", he pointed out.

-J.N.: Villain with bad handwriting. Awesome, that's what we really need to know!

-Vanfulau: Maybe a subtle confession of the author?

-J.N.: What does he point out anyways? The writing?

-Vanfulau: Maybe the written "muhaha"?

Firs he will kill the peopl and Link gets revenge,

J.N.: Finally a realist! Tenchu already knows that Link will get his revenge and defeats him in the end. Or what else can we read out from that?

Then he had an more idea for the trap

-J.N.: Ow…

He rub hims hands.

-J.N.: Ehm, whom does he rub the hands?  
-Link: Me ofc!

-J.N.: Sometimes you better don't ask…

Took his penciel and wrote a warning for Link.

-J.N.: What`s a penciel? And why does he write a warning? I thought he wants a trap? Or is the warning the trap?

-Vanfulau: I suppose the "penciel" is the warning or the trap.

-J.N.: Ehm… what are you doing here? I'm commenting this FF and not some talking basement!

-Vanfulau: Well, I'm waiting for Fred. That is a Dark Room.

-J.N.: Okay, seems like I'm not forever alone. Let's see what the warning is about…

In Links house"

-J.N.: Is that the warning or a new chapter?

-Vanfulau: Probably some kind of transition.

-J.N.: Yeah that makes almost sense.

It was meal time, there was: soup with meat, bread with Hyrule sausage and milk from the Lon Lon farm,

J.N.: Nice. Just rush with the menu, why putting efforts in descriptions? I read a fanfiction, it was: Stupid, silly, bad, crappy.

-Vanfulau: Sounds really poetic…

Alberich was forging a sword again.

-J.N.: Cool. Pointless, but cool.

"The bread is empty!" Link shouted into the next room.

-J.N.: The bread is empty?

-Vanfulau: Maybe it's hollow inside?

-J.N.: Maybe the author is hollow inside?

-Vanfulau: That makes sense.

"I wirl now from backer getting some!"

-Link: And after that I wirl now to teacher, because I all want prevent that it's because so German I feeeeeeeelt learn always with my hands.

, Link opened the door, slipped into his cloak and strolled to Hyrule.

-J.N.: What a description!

-Link: I have a cloak?

-Vanfulau: Yep, for strolling. Everyone has one.

link arrived and spoke to the baker:

J.N.: "Ey baker, my bread is hollow"?

"One bread."

-Baker: Two bread

-Link: Three bread

-Baker: Four bread. Ha! Connect Four! You lose again, Link.

-Link: Oh man…

"That makes 20 rupees."

-J.N.: Be honest: Who wants to read that description?

Link tok out a rupe and Took the bread and letf the house.

-J.N.: Took in capitals?

-Vanfulau: Maybe a name?

-J.N.: You're right. He has a title after all: Took, the bread. Probably related to Bernd, the bread.

-Vanfulau: Well, Link took the rupee and Took, the bread, and left the house with both.

-J.N.: Scumbag! Forgot to pay for the bread!

-Vanfulau: Is okay, it would be hollow inside anyways.

Under no condition he would look around, because his stomach was growling like crazy.

-Link: Boah, am I hungry, I can't look around, no matter what. Is what you usually do, when you're hungry… Yeah, eating and looking can't happen at the same time, you know?

-Vanfulau: You forgot to point out grammar errors!

-J.N.: Would be too much for this MST.

-Vanfulau: By far too much.

But then something terrible happens!

-J.N.: But then something terrible happens! The author started writing in simple present!

A house caught fire!

-J.N.: Just like that?

-Vanfulau: Maybe Tenchu managed to coax it into burning?

-J.N.: But that doesn't matter. Link doesn't see it anyways, since under no condition he will "look around".

Fortunately Link had his water bottle with him, but it was useless.

-J.N.: Fortunately he had it with him even though it was useless?

-Link: Ofc. Who said I wanted to fight the fire with it? When I saw the house burning, I suddenly became really thirsty…

-J.N.: That really hurts…

"hihihi", a voice you heard from a corner of a house

-Vanfulau: You know what makes the most impression on me?

-J.N.: What is it?

-Vanfulau: The dialogs…

-J.N.: Ahhh…

"Knil…. I don't need you anymore! You are useless!"

-J.N.: Knil. Hhhm… Am I the only one that thinks this is Link just backwards?

-Vanfulau: Yes, you're right.

-J.N.: Too bad. Hope dies last.

, The demon threw Knil to Link and vanished through the gates of Hanbow.

-J.N.: Weren't they in Hyrule just now?

-Vanfulau: Maybe Hanbow is part of Hyrule?

-J.N.: Like an evil city in the city?

-Vanfulau: Yep. By the way: I know that gate. Its Dietmar, a buddy of mine!

-J.N.: *confused* Uh-huh.

Link, who couldn't not yet trust his eyes,

-Eyes: Wait Link, not yet…. Waaaait… now. Yes. Now you can trust us again!

-Link: Ah, great!

, ran to Knil and gave him the bread.

-Link: Hey, want a bread?

-Knil: I was captured by a demon, thrown through half the city, have a broken leg and lost around three litres of blood. And you ask if I want bread?

-Link: Yo.

-Knil: Ofc I do! Why not?

-Took: Hello! I am the bread.

-Knil: Huh?

"you you you are Link? M-my brother" Knil asked and made wid eyes.

-J.N.: This this this is stupid, since since since Link has no no no brother.

-Vanfulau: Especially since he recognizes him instantly.

-J.N.: It's the bread. Its family tradition that you thrust a chunk of bread into the hand of people, before you even ask them what's wrong with them.

Link backed away and talked: "How man brother? Ah ah you are Knil? Oh wow my brother J Come with me in my house"

-Knil: Oh, eh! Link! I'm totally your brother!

-Link: *backes away* Yuck!

-Knil: I swear!

-Link: You man brother? Ah ah ah ah (mouns?) you are Knil (guessed name?) Boha cool! My brother J (Jay?). I totally have this phat gansta shake.

-Knil: Yeah! Knil and Link in da house!

-Link: Phaaaaat, man…

Knil followed his and entered the house of Link.

-Vanfulau: Only possible if he gets a cloak for strolling first.

Link introduced his brother _{the wrong German grammar would say "Link stole his brother"}_

-J.N.: Yes Link, steal your brother! Before the others want to steal him!

-Vanfulau: What others?

-J.N.: Dunno, Common Sense maybe?

Fortunately they had 2 beds but where should Alberich sleep.

-J.N.: Again this "fortunately" that doesn't bring luck at the end? Maybe we should tell the author that you only use it when you want to describe something positive?

This was a big problem

-J.N.: Oh boy! Here I read books with such small problems as love, war, hatred or betrayal. All bullshit. Beds are the real thing! These are problems humanity has to face! Lacking beds!

-Vanfulau: You know… this bed I also know, her name is…

-J.N.: Shutup!

-Vanfulau: How did you know that?

Knil had one fragment and Link the other side, they combined it, and a 3. bed appeared.

-J.N.: …

-Vanfulau: …

*silence*

-J.N.: Weeeeell…. The Triforce has the power…. To create… beds?

-Vanfulau: Seems

*silence*

-J.N.: Such incredible power…

-Vanfulau: …if it comes into the hands of the wrong person….

-J.N.: …inflation of beds! Gruesome…

A whole day Link spends with Knil and they talk about their mother.

-J.N.: The whole day? We should tell that both have never met their mother.

-Link: Hey? You know our mother?

-Knil: No, do you?

-Link: No, you?

-Knil: No, you? (etc)

-J.N.: Yep, you can definitely spend a day like that…

It was 00:00. Midnight.

-J.N.: Awesome, these descriptions…

The window opened. A rapid paper (the Warning) strove Links face.

-J.N.: Huuuu! Dashing paper shreds! Greaaat!

"A scrap" Link pointed and ran into the kitchen and poured some water on the wound.

-J.N.: Oh? Link gets scraped by rapid paper shreds and immediately needs to use water on it? Where do you get water from a kitchen in a middle-age fantasy world?

-Vanfulau: From the tub?

-J.N.: Figured.

The warning he still held in his hand.

-J.N.: Don`t you dare to drop it.

It said: 

To Link

Link, my horrid enemy

-J.N.: Link, my horrid enemy. I might have never met you but I know for sure that we are enemies. That's what Huklumu (my crumpled tissue) with the bad handwriting said in the corner of Vanfulau (my basement).

I will burn Hyrule and you with.

-J.N.: With what?

If you want to stop that you must come to castle of Hyrule and met me with myself.

-Tenchu: Yes! Meet me with myself!

-Vanfulau: That was shallow.

-J.N.: Just like the story.

-Vanfulau: Touché.

And you need to go alone and nobody is allowed to accompany you.

-J.N.: Yes. These two things he has to do: 1st: He has to go alone. 2nd: Nobody is allowed to accompany him. So he is not allowed to go alone in company.

One thing you can take with you: Your sword and shield.

-J.N.: Sword and shield are two things.

-Tenchu: Hey! Just drop it! I can't do grammar, have a scrawl of the worst sort and constantly think of pointless plans. This ain't easy for me.

-J.N.: Considering this... who on earth told you to become a villain?

-Tenchu: Ulla.

-J.N.: Who's Ulla?

-Tenchu: My bedside table.

-J.N.: ...

You come I don't burn Hyrule.

-J.N.: Who would have guessed that.

But you need to give me one thing: the Force.

-J.N.: Well, at least the Force is really only one thing.

Then I will leave you alon.

-J.N.: What a tribe!

Tomorrow at 10:00 you come to the Elemental Sanctuary

-Link: *stares at his digital watch* Joah... will do...

I have opened it

-Tenchu: Come. To Elemental Sanctuary. I burn Hyrule. I opened it. I need the toilet. I am hungry. My feet are cold. I burn Hyrule. Need to go. Jürgen is calling. That's my micro-wave...

If you dont come you say good bye to Hyrule, to Knil and to your soul.

-Link: Bye, Hyrule. Bye Knil. Bye soul.

-Hyrule, Knil and soul: Bye Link.

Link had to go the life of Hyrule was in stack.

-J.N.: Hyrule is alive?

So he took the sword and shild and slept until 9:00.

-Link: Oh no! The life of all mankind is at stack! What can I do?

-J.N.: Well in this case you have a lot of possibilities. But sleeping is one of the options I'd rather not choose when I want to save mankind.

-Link: *snores* Zzzzzz...

2. Chapter The never-ending Darkness

-J.N.: Uh, sounds evil.

It was 10:00 the hyrule bells shine in sun light and it was time to met Tenchu.

-J.N.: 10:00 in Hyrule. Link eats his "Gnabbers". The hair stays perfect.

Link entered the Elemental Sancduary and the door closed behind his back.

-J.N.: *jawn*  
-Vanfulau: Do you know how the Elemental Sanctuary is called with first name?

-J.N.: No, how?

-Vanfulau: Henry Walt. Well, Henry Walt Elemental Sanctuary.

-J.N.: Fascinating...

It wasnt a long way to Elemental Sancduary, because it is in castle.

-J.N.: I didn't understand because it is written in a dumb way.

-Took: First part of sentence is past and second is present.

-J.N.: You´re right. And... where did you come from?

-Took: Vanfulau invited me.

Links body shook in fear. If he made one mistake.

-J.N.: Links body only shakes in fear if he makes mistakes?

-Vanfulau: Yes. I would be scared then, too. I think.

-J.N.: You´re a basement. You don't think...

But he didn't want Hyrule to be extinct. 

-J.N.: Yes, we all don't want that to happen.

His sword of the four could help him well.

-J.N.: Why "could" it only help him? Why doesn't it do it?

-Sword of four: Link, I rly could help you, but I just don't feel like it.

-Link: Aww crap...

If it breaks, everything is over.

-J.N.: Well duh? You're screwed if your only weapon breaks? Noooooo. Never guessed that. Really.

-Vanfulau: You're a cynic, huh?

-J.N.: As if.

"So, sword ready, shild ready and my force"

-Link: So. Shoelace tied. Pants zipped up. Underpants smooth. Hair perfect. Showered. Dried. Ate Lunch. And my force. Yes. All ready.

, now that Link had everything ready Tenchu, master of death, came from the window on the ceiling of the Elemental Sancduary.

-J.N.: I thought there was no other way inside the Elemental Sanctuary?

-Vanfulau: Why does he come from the ceiling anyways?

-Tenchu: Because of the effect. I mean, I can't stand around like a douche bag and wait for him when I want to meet him?

"Ah, you have My Force?" Tenchu asked and teleported to Link.

-*blink* *teleport*

-Link: You're standing on my foot!

-Tenchu: Ah, well I have teleported your foot on it. Sorry, but I, really, because of, the hands feeelt my foot Force on it because I with you meet want.

-Link: *grimace* Ehhhhh...

Tenchu didnt know, that the force was fake.

-J.N.: How can you fake a Force?

-Took: Big ideas come out of big pencils...

-J.N.: Such an infernal fake.

"Yes-yes... I have it, here, please." Link gave him the force and drew his sword and now it was under Tenchus throt.

-J.N.: Ehm. Why did he fake it, if he fights? Why doesn't he notice that its fake? Why had Link time to fake the force when he slept till 9? Did he craft it in an hour?

"...what is that suppose to mean? Ah, we want a fight, too!"

-Link: *Sword under Tenchus throat* In your face!

-Tenchu: Huh? What's that supposed to mean?

-Link: Well, we want a fight, even if it's completely pointless.

-Tenchu: Ah, yeah. Right.

Tenchus claws sprang out of his hends and he slashed around with them.

-J.N.: I imagine it like that: Tenchu with Wolverine-claw hands slashes around randomly while Link stands two metres from him and watches him "slashing around"

-Vanfulau: Some things you better don't imagine...

-Took: Yeah. Like Angela Merkel in a Baywatch-Bikini.

-J.N. and Vanfulau: Yuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Links sword of the four started to glow.

-Link: You can easily read in full darkness with it...

Now it was time to perform the fight.

-J.N.: okay, formulation is... eh. But at least it's going to start now. I'm really interested in how Links next move looks like. Just a reminder: Tenchu slashes around mindlessly while Link has his plutonium LED-sword...

Link, who got even more scared, ran as fast as he could so he fell over a stone and got hurt.

-J.N.: Oww... -.-

-Vanfulau: Why is there a stone?

J.N.: No idea, why does Link walk like an idiot?

"hahahahaha ", Tenchu pointed at Link and laughed.

-Nelson: HAHA!

Meanwhile Link was angry and wanted to kill Tenchu.

-J.N.: Now of all sudden?

But it was too late anyways.

-J.N.: Good to know...

A big black orb came from the arm of Links enemy.

-J.N.: And this he threw and then slashed after it with his claws...

Now everything was over. Link didnt know who he was and landed in the nver-ending darkness.

-Link: Who am I? Where am I?

-Fred: Hello. I am Fred. I am the Dark Room of the never-ending Darkness.

-Link: Ahhhh!

Everything was black around him.

-J.N.: But then Link simply opened his eyes...

Somewhere else "..

-J.N.: ... the storyline wasn't any better than here.

Knil, who still slept like a lazy socket, started worrying in Link.

-Knil: Hhhm... I start to worry about Link somehow... Hm. He went out to defeat the Evil. Hm. Maybe he needs help. Hm. Well, Imma just sleep some more.

_[movie stops. You see Blackwolfs distraught face]_

-J.N.: Wait a sec! He worried "IN" Link?

-Vanfulau: Hhhm... Yaoi! Seems to be Hentai after all.

-J.N.: Ehhh *crying* I want the picture of Angela in Bikinis back! The new pic in my head of Knil and Link is just ewhhhhhh

-Vanfulau: Fortunately I'm just a basement... just a basement...

_[movie plays again. You hear a dull thud in the background as Blackwolf hits his head against the wall over and over again to delete the picture from his mind]_

He knowed the secret world of the nvr-ending darkness and can enter it anytime.

-J.N.: Well, well. He knowed the "secret" world. He knowed a lot of things. I always thought you can know a lot of things, but that the correct form is "He knew". But at least he can enter it. Anytime.

-Vanfulau: The nvr-ending darkness? The nvrending darkness? The n-v-r-ending darkness? What the heck is that?

-J.N.: Nobody knows. It's the "secret" world.

"Magnus staumus tih!"

-J.N.: Staumus? Jam in a traffic jam?

-Vanfulau: Magnus, lat. "great/big/tall". Mus is some kind of jam. And Stau is german for traffic jam. So it's indeed Great Jam in a traffic jam.

-J.N.: Maybe the "Great Jam" is the guardian of the underworld?

, a black portal opened and he jumped inside.

-J.N.: Where does he know that Link´s sitting inside the underworld?

-Took: Intuition?

-Vanfulau: The author told him?

His eyes saw Link who had both arms at his eyes.

-J.N.: My favourite sentence in the FF. She tells me, that Link apparently is a cripple whose arms grew onto his eyes. Tragic fate.

His gaze was sad.

-J.N.: Which you can't really see, because he has both arms at his eyes.

-Vanfulau: You´re such a nit-pick.

-J.N.: Part of my job.

Knil ran to him, sets beside him and gave him the ability to see again.

-J.N.: He can make blind people see again?

-Knil/Jesus: I can also walk on water!

-J.N.: Oh... man...

"Tenchu blinded you" I understand.

-Link: Nah, I'm sitting here just for fun. It´s the real deal...

-J.N.: At least he understands more than me...

Well you faked the force so that Tenchu cant destroy Hyrule.

-J.N.: Stop! Break! Tenchu needs the force to destroy Hyrule?

Why does he threaten Link with destroying Hyrule if he doesn't get the force, when he can only destroy Hyrule if he has it, which he doesn't because Link needs to bring it to him first...

-Took: Perhaps it´s just another scheme of his master plan that he got from his napkin?

-Vanfulau: Well, just think about what he wants with the force. What can you do with it?

-J.N.: Create furniture?

-Vanfulau: Bingo! Tenchu wants to create a massive amount of furniture to overthrow IKEA!

-J.N.&Took: *melodramatically* Noooooooooooo!

Knil had the bad feeling that Tenchu knew the force was fake.

-J.N.: Well what can he do? Destroying the world certainly not.

-Vanfulau: Maybe he writes more dashing paper shreds to attack Link?

-J.N.: Like a catapult?

-Vanfulau: Yes! Just imagine: Tenchu, master of inscribed paper, creates an army of sharp paper shreds from his bad handwriting that attack the inhabitants and coax the city into burning.

-J.N.: My ears shake with fright already...

Knil grabbed Links arm and both flew back to Hyrule.

-J.N.: Huh?

-Vanfulau: What?

-Took: Heh?

-Tenchu: Oh?

-J.N.: Knil can fly?

-Vanfulau: And cure the blind?

-Knil/Jesus/Superman: You´ll see what else I can do! *muahahah*

To stop Tenchu Knil and Link had to take the real force into the kingdom of shadows or combine it with Links sword.

-Woman's voice: So Link, now you have to decide: Do you want to take the holy Triforce to the kingdom of shadows and place is on the ground so that the evil creatures fall over it and die and therefore destroy all evil? Or do you rather want option two: Combine it with your sword so that it glows even brighter until Tenchu dies of eye-cancer? Or do you decide on flushing the force down the toilet so that it can never fall into the hands of Tenchu? Link, decide now! Who should be your _heart leaf_?

-J.N.: I would take the toilet!

-Vanfulau: Me too...

Both decided on combining it with the sword, because, if you combine it you can get great power to extinct all evil forever.

-J.N.: Question of the day: Why didn't they do that from the beginning? Well, combining the force with the sword to destroy all evil forever?

-Took: I am sure they will explain it properly.

-Vanfulau: *resigned* Dream on...

Because the Elemental Sanctuary was still open, because Techu was so stupid and opened it for both of them,

-J.N.: Alright, he has a scrawl, invents dump plans that even he finds crappy, names his basement, is a terrible fighter, can't count and has a bad memory too? What kind of a villain is that?

they Tooked the force with the sword of four and combined it.

-J.N.: Took, the bread, combined the force with the sword?

-Took: No. That's Tooked. My sister.

Everyone does brogress.

-J.N.: This hurts. This simply hurts.

-Vanfulau: Why do they make progress? And why anyways?

The sword wasnt easy to wield because it got heavier with every single swing.

-J.N.: But only with every single one. If I swing it more than once then nothing happens?

"We will never defeat Tenchu like that".

-Knil: Why we? *flies away*

Link was desperate he couldn't know that the Rainbow Sword of Four was very hard to wield.

-J.N.: No wonder, if it gets heavier each time. After an hour this thing has to weigh at least a ton!

-Vanfulau: He should have flushed the force down the toilet after all.

If he would have know that he would have trained with the new sword of Alberich!

- J.N.: I... can't find the logic in this sentence.

-Vanfulau: I suppose... the sword... gets... ehm... well...

But it was too late.

-J.N.: Oh no!

There was nothing to change anymore.

-Vanfulau: Oh god!

They opened the door and sat down onto the place of the white. Knil laid down and ate some grass.

-Knil: Hhhm... Grass...

and looked after some rising birds.

-J.N.: Then he looked after some descending birds. Then after some that were flying. Then at some that were pummelling. Then at some that flew into an aircraft motor, then at some that threw nuclear bombs at each other, then at some that used knifes to cut off their wings...

-Vanfulau: Ah, I see: Boredom raises your violence level.

-J.N.: *aims a bazooka at Vanfulau* TAKE THAT BACK!

Link, who still trained with the sword, slashed an Octorok.

-J.N.: Poor Octorok. It had done nothing to deserve this!

-Vanfulau: Need I to remind you that we are in the middle of the castle? Where does the Octorok come from?

-J.N.: From the gates of Hanbow of course, that stand around there somewhere.

-Vanfulau: I see...

In the far away country Ranbow was a sword master named AshumasaChu.

-J.N.: Huh? Wait a second... Did we skip a part? This sentence has nothing to do with the one before! And why does this sword master sound like a Japanese contraceptive?

-Vanfulau: Ranbow? Probably close to Hanbow. This story starts to make sense.

-J.N.&Took: Really?

-Vanfulau: Nope.

-J.N.: *sigh*

Alberich, who just finished forging the sword, tok it in his hand hold it up and then he suddenly geted red eyes.

-J.N.: Why?

-Vanfulau: Why what?

-J.N.: Why does lightening always come with thunder?

-Vanfulau: Oh. I really thought you asked about sense in this ff.

-J.N.: No, I gave up on that.

His arm, legs and the body turned really slim.

-J.N.: Slimfast!

-Vanfulau: Waightwatchers!

-Took: Diet coke!

The moustache vanished and he gott a mouth piece and a black skull cap.

-Alberich: I'm a NINJA!

-J.N.: But in the far away country of Franbow, the royal sharpshooter changed his toilet paper!

The clothing that was usually dirty turned black as the strong death.

-J.N.: The strong death? The normal death wasn't strong enough?

-The weak death: My favourite colour is blue...

Alberich teleported to Link and knil and ataked both.

-J.N.: Seems like everybody starts teleporting?

-*teleport*

-HammerFist: Hello!

-Vanfulau: *startled* Wahh!

-J.N.: Come one. Eragon 2 suuucked!

-HammerFirst: *shrug* Okay *teleports*

"Alberich L whats the meaning of this?

-J.N.: Alberich L.? Is that the surname?

-Vanfulau: Yes, he doesn't want to be recognized. Does happen a lot. Like "Patrick P. from D."

-J.N.: Understandable. I didn't want to have my full name in this ff.

-Vanfulau: That's the reason why you are called "J.N. Blackwolf"?

-J.N.: No. That's just because it sounds cool.

2, Link made building blocks

-J.N.: What?

-Link: *uses force as building block* Heeeaw! That's so fun!

-J.N.: Why make 2 Links building blocks? Ehhh...

Really, dear readers: If someone can explain why Link makes building blocks, he can have Vanfulau for a night!

-Vanfulau: *erotically* Call... me...!

and took the Rainbow Sword in his hand.

-J.N.: Didn't he have it in his hand before?

Alberich had transformed into ChenLau, master of the fours souls.

-J.N.: Why?

-Vanfulau: Who is that?

-J.N.: Doesn't matter, I want to know why he did that.

-Vanfulau: Because he... finished the sword... and... those red eyes... and such... simply evil. Well. I think.

Imagine Knil was ChenLau, would Link kill him and banish him into the land of eternal peace?

-J.N.: Imagine Alberich would be Zelda, would Link marry him? Or imagine Ganondorf to be Link, would Link want to kill Ganondorf? Imagine Zelda would be Knil, would she be able to fly? Or if Ganon was Navi, would he annoy Link with this shrill voice and pointless tips?

-Vanfulau: Questions and questions...

-Took: One can only guess the answers...

Link made a huge step, took his shild and started the sword whirl attack.

-J.N.: But then he fell over a stone and hurt himself.

-Vanfulau: Interesting that Link takes his shield. He didn't have it at hand too...

ChenLau warded it off and the tiny Link fell into the Hyrule Lake.

-J.N.: Ehm... correct me if I'm wrong but... weren't they inside the castle just now?

-Vanfulau: Yep, so far you´re right.

-J.N.: This guy must have demon fists to blow him from there to the Hyrule Lake...

Fin

-J.N.: What? Fin?

-Vanfulau: I didn't really understand the end…

-J.N.: Well, Link probably drowned inside the Lake and so the Triforce died with him. That means: IKEA was saved. It's a happy end. Got it?

-Took: Sounds fine with me.

-J.N.: So, what now?

-Vanfulau: Hey look, just in time.

-Fred: Hey Vanfulau, old basement. Let's head out for a drink.

-Vanfulau: Sure thing. Wanna come along?

Took: Of course.

-Link: Sure.

-Knil: Why not? *flies away*

-Tenchu: Just a sec, I have to close the Elemental Sanctuary and place new stones inside...

-Alberich: NINJAAAAA!

-HammerFist: *teleports* Hello!

-Nelson: HAHA!

-J.N.: Out, out! All of you! This is my MST! Well, doesn't matter. Let's go, bills on me!

-Choir: Yay!

_[Book is closed. The lone figure stands up, walks a few metres and fells over a stone. He stands up quickly, knocks the dirt from his cloth. After a while he opens the book again]_

That's how Hyrule was saved again. Victoriously I went on, seeking new adventures and dangers in the world of ffs. What is awaiting me next time? Mary Sue? Pokémon? Tokyo Hotel? Who knows? Maybe another call for help will reach me soon?

Whoever finds a bad ff can call me. And if you are female, good looking and have a crate of beer with you, you can call too. In that case you don't even need a ff. Promise!

_[J.N. turns around, sheaths his sword and book and rode off into the sunset]_

End...

... of the first insanity...


End file.
